What Does a $25,000 Loan Buy at the Oscars?
If you’ve ever wanted to be a part of Oscar history, Lending Club can help. If there is one factor that is most important above all else in Hollywood, it is having money. For those looking to borrow money, Lending Club just happens to specialize in financial solutions by offering a smart alternative to high-interest credit cards. So while your amateur home movie may not leave its mark on the world of cinema, a $25,000 personal loan from Lending Club can get you started on your Hollywood adventure.
Here’s a look at how far that lump sum will go in terms of Academy Award spending.
25,000 used Oscar statues
The Academy makes all Academy Award winners sign a contract stating that if a winner decides to part with the statue, he or she must first offer it to the Academy for the price of one dollar. No wonder I never see Oscar statuettes in my local neighborhood pawn shop. It would follow that a wily entrepreneur could make quite a little profit if he were to put his business sense to work and offer, say, $1.50 per statue. That’s a 50 percent markup! You could turn that $25,000 Lending Club loan into almost $40,000! Of course, I’m pretty sure that very few people in the history of the Oscars have ever wanted to sell this most prestigious award.
12-day luxury sedan rental
The price tag for a fancy car rental on Oscar night is steep indeed. Seven hundred dollars for eight hours comes out to nearly $1.50 every minute (or one-and-a-half used Oscars a minute). I doubt you’d be getting your money’s worth sitting in LA traffic. But if you had a $25,000 Lending Club personal loan, you could charter that luxury sedan for a barnstorming black tie trip across the country. If the driver is an automaton and doesn’t need to sleep or eat, you could make it from L.A. to New York and back three times before your 25 grand runs out. Road trip!
5 products for the nominee gift bags
Companies eager to pawn their pricey products off as swag to the glad-handing upper class have to pay a pretty penny just to have the right to do so. At a $5,000 entry fee, the cost of marketing is rather steep, but getting your electric tie rack into Daniel Day Lewis’ closet is priceless. With that $25,000 loan, you would have enough left over to hawk four other gifts as well. Nothing says Oscars like art deco drawings, noise-canceling headphones, King of Queens on DVD, and In ‘N Out coupons. As a small aside, the lavish gift bags are no longer given, so perhaps that 25 large should go back into A&R.
3 1/3 haircuts
There is no point in getting all dressed up if your hair looks like a soccer mom’s—unless you are nominated for your role in a Bend it Like Beckham remake. For the rest of the movie business, a fancy hairdo is the icing on the cake of a complete look. However, it does not come cheaply. For a woman to have her hair done by one of the finest hairdressers in L.A., it could cost $7,500 for the star treatment. The good news is that you get to read Vanity Fair for free while you wait. Having a $25,000 personal loan from Lending Club would make the cost a little easier to stomach. Plus, with the left over dough, you could get hair appointments for two and one third of your best friends. Hopefully, the one-third girl is not going to the Oscars with you.
½ of the red carpet (250 feet)
Without a red carpet, an award show is nothing more than an adult prom. That is why the Academy Awards spares no expense in rolling out the spendy shag on Oscar night. The $50,000 price tag says a lot about the show’s commitment to excess and its complete and total disregard for affordable IKEA carpeting. At this point in the proceedings, your $25,000 loan will start to wear thin. Instead of fronting the whole bill for the red runway, you could chip in for about 250 feet. What you’ll do with it afterwards is anyone’s guess, although it would fit well in that 250-foot hallway at home. Of course, there is always the IKEA alternative, where your $25,000 could get you 100 area rugs with purple flower patterns. They would go great in your purple room at the end of your 250-foot hallway.
½ second of a commercial
With 30-second commercials costing at least 1.7 million dollars, a $25,000 loan will not go very far. However, that approximate half-second of airtime is still enough to pimp a product or showcase a brand. Just make it fast. I would recommend having a popular actor stand on a giant soundstage, stare deeply into the camera, and say your product’s name as fast as is humanly possible. Naturally, said actor should be working for free.
1/1000th of the most expensive piece of jewelry ever worn to the Oscars
Titanic actress Gloria Stuart put the jewel in jewelry with her 15-carat blue-diamond necklace that she wore to the 1998 Oscars. She didn’t take home an award, making the giant sparkling gem the world’s greatest consolation prize. If Gloria Stuart had visited Lending Club for a $25,000 loan prior to her jewel binge, she could have paid off roughly 1/100th of the price of the $20 million bling. On the other hand, with $25,000, she could have bought 100,000 ring pops from 7-Eleven.
15 seconds of the award show
The cost to put on the Oscars is appropriately exorbitant—nearly 30 million dollars exorbitant. That seems like an awful lot of money for some lame jokes, long speeches, and a few Phil Collins songs. Nonetheless, the bloated budget helps make the Oscars the spectacle that they are, and with a running time that can exceed four hours, at least they are getting their money’s worth. Speaking of getting your money’s worth, you will not if you sink your $25,000 Lending Club loan into putting on the Academy Awards. Your money would claim 15 seconds out of a possible 15,000, which is about enough time for host Jon Stewart to tell a political joke that goes over everyone’s heads.
25 seconds of Juno
The darling of this year’s Best Picture nominees was also one of the cheapest to produce. At a price tag of only 6.5 million dollars, Juno is extremely affordable compared to Hollywood’s other big-ticket blockbusters. Spending $25,000 for 25 seconds might seem like a rip-off, but you would be making movie history. What if those 25 seconds were an important plot point or a funny Michael Cera joke? Of course, if you’d rather choose temperance over timelessness, you could always wait and spend your small fortune on 1,400 copies of the DVD.
The Academy Awards will air on Sunday, Feb. 24th at 5PT / 8ET.
Research done at Portfolio.com.
Thursday, February 21st, 2008 at 2:39 pm